Saturday, December 17, 2016

Thursday, December 15, 2016

Christmas Letter

So, Karen did NOT make me strike this whole paragraph from our Christmas letter although, she did ask for a slight edit:
"... with the disaster to civilization that Trump represents. Over the years I’ve accepted that people might vote against the candidates I support. This is America. People are free to vote for whom they will, even against their own best interests. But I’m having a hard time imagining that I could be friends with people that voted for a Nazi and Klan endorsed, Russian-aided, lying, thin-skinned pussy grabber. Knowing now how we feel, if you got this letter in error, please let us know so we can adjust our list accordingly."

Saturday, December 03, 2016

First I Tweeted This

My new watch woke up and said, “No events today,” and went back to sleep. I just sighed my agreement and did the same.

Thursday, December 01, 2016

They Call It Best Foods For A Reason

This is ridiculous. They didn't use regular Hellman's (Best Foods in the west). They used their canola version. Is EVERY election in this country rigged‽‽

Consumer Protection: One More Thing We're Outsourcing to China

Ha, thank you China. Wait, I meant, “Ha,” as an exclamation and not as some kind of racist Chinese slur. Because in this article about how the Chinese consumer protection agency is making Apple acknowledge iPhone battery problems, there is a link to see if your particular iPhone is eligible for a battery replacement. And mine is. My phone was constantly dying when I was passing out Margaret Stock flyers, and Apple said it was because the phone was cold. I was all, I’m cold too, but that doesn’t mean I can just stop. So, ha ha, (see disclaimer above) Apple, the joke’s on you. I’ll be in next week for my new battery.

Friday, November 25, 2016

Yesterday I posted this:
Part of what makes America exceptional has been the unique mixing together in one place of cultures and creeds, religions and races. On this day when we celebrate Americans welcoming European immigrants we chose to have a non-traditional meal. We ate corned beef hash infused with Southwest flavors by adding a bag of Fritos Corn Chips and pasta covered in five different kinds of cheese, a true melting pot, covered in potato chips (thanks for the tips, April).

and this:
Florence Henderson died. 2016 is just shameless.

on the day that the picture was, "We are all women," I posted this from

Before It's Available on Facebook

Over the next few days it's going to be:

I've been changing my profile picture every day recently. So far, it's been these.

Not About The Trump

Over on Facebook, I've been mostly posting political rants.
Here's one that's specifically not political:

Sunday, November 13, 2016

There Are Two Topics To Avoid. Let's Put Them Together In One Blog Post.

I assumed that by now, with the election over, I'd be back to talking about other things that irritate me but, no, I'm still rattling on like a train that keeps going even though it's off the rails.
I heard a story today. It seems when Billy Graham was alone on an elevator and a woman got on, rather than be alone with a woman which could lead to rumor or temptation, he would grab the door and step back off. Interesting to contrast that with our President-elect and wonder what he grabs.

Thursday, November 10, 2016

I forgot to post this one here yesterday

On Facebook, I am seeing people say that the election is over, and now it’s time to come together. I get that. It’s the only way forward for our country.
But, it’s really hard for me to imagine I can still be friends with people that voted for Trump. I disagreed with people that voted for Romney, both Dan Sullivans, Parnell, and, of course, Don Young, but I understood that they had a different vision of government and society than I did. Friends can do that.

The people that voted for Trump knew that he bragged about assaulting women, that he lied about things that could easily be fact checked and didn’t stop lying even when he was shown the truth;  that he didn’t pay taxes on his billions, that his policies were incoherent and contradictory. They knew that he was so easily baited that his aides had to take away his Twitter account.
I don’t think you can say that Trump had any vision of government or society at all. He had no fixed positions on anything. Well, almost anything. He seemed to hate people of color, Muslims, women, reporters, refugees, sometimes gays and sometimes abortions. And that’s just what  came to mind in a few seconds of thought.

His supporters agreed with all of that and added Jews. He and his campaign retweeted Klan members and Nazis.  I don’t know if I would  be brave enough to shelter a refugee family.  But I’m also not sure I want to associate with the people that voted for the candidate of the people that killed Anne Frank instead of the people trying to save her.

Okay, 11/22/63 Really Didn't Make The Point I Was Trying To Make

I know a lot of people are upset, but I've read at least three variations of this story. Soon, the hero is going to go back in time and keep the butterfly from getting stepped on, or kill Oswald, or protect Cedric and everything will be back to the way it's supposed to be. Oh, or Whoopie Goldberg will stop the Klingon defeat of Starfleet, that's four times in history, at least, that it's worked out fine. So come on, hero, I know suspense is part of the dystopian future genre, but this isn't fun anymore.

Wednesday, November 09, 2016

One More I Just Posted

Okay, on a different note, at the election yesterday, our neighbor was telling her boyfriend that I was, "The man with the raised garden beds." I thanked her for not saying, "You know, the guy whose dog barks all the time."

Most Of My Facebook Posts And Comments From The Last 18 Hours

I posted this when I first got home from working at the polling place:Oh look, I have a bottle of wine. And a remote to mute the TV. Because I don't want to listen to or think about the fact that I live in a country that elects the candidate that was endorsed by both the Klan AND the Nazis. Good night everyone.
Response to a comment: Right? We could have just skipped WW II if we're going to ELECT fascists.

I went to bed, but I couldn’t really sleep due to a combination of rage and despair so I posted:“I wanna see it painted, painted black
Black as night, black as coal
I wanna see the sun blotted out from the sky
I wanna see it painted, painted, painted, painted black”
Response from Dave Oberg: Do You mean black as clean, clean coal?

My response to a post allowing that Trump would be moderated by the GOP Congresspeople that are "horrified by him":
Not so horrified that they unendorsed him. The next time they vote to repeal the ACA, it's gone; gut the VRA, done; sell fully automatic weapons in school lunchrooms, don't mind if I do; confirm troglodyte Justices, before lunch.
My response to the idea that not all Trump supporters are bigots: I'm not a bigot, I support the candidate endorsed by the Klan and the Nazis for completely unbigoted reasons. His supporters are Klan members, Nazis and, I assume, some good people.

Response to the question, “How did Margaret Stock Do?": 
She came in third. It turns out that it's hard to overcome millions of dollars of corporate PAC money with a bunch of scrappy amateurs. I guess we should have been scrappier.

Finally, for the moment, I posted:
Here’s another reason we need to adopt a change to our first past the post system* of voting; the Sweet Meteor of Death wasn't even on my ballot and I certainly would have picked that 5th before Trump. Anyway, it's always darkest before the dawn, which is an old bromide that assumes science-y things like planetary rotation that we don't need in our new post-fact society.
*Apparently Maine did that last night. One down, forty-nine to go.

Monday, November 07, 2016

Weather Report

It's raining here in November, but Global Climate Change is a hoax perpetrated by the Chinese. Probably to sell umbrellas. 

Sunday, October 30, 2016

You Can't Argue With That

Karen and I are cleaning the house because we have an appraiser coming tomorrow. I've been telling her that appraisers are trained to look beyond appearances, to ignore the squalor, and render a fair and reasoned estimate.

Her compelling counter argument is, "You  always say that, and you're always WRONG."

My Dad Used To Say, "You Can Lead A Horse To Water, But You Can't Make Him Float On His Back."

I liked the comments on this post. Especially mine.

Friday, October 28, 2016

Over on FB, someone commented on my light fixture story with their own tale of fluorescent mayhem. I replied, "Nothing like the satisfaction of a job well done, I'm told. One of the light fixtures is right over my bed, so now I'm like the electrician of Damocles."

You Also Don't Have To Follow Me On Twitter

Given how unlikely it is, I’m surprised Trump hasn’t taken up the issue of razor blades in Halloween candy.

Maybe we should shut down trick or treating till we figure out what the hell is goin on.

Thursday, October 27, 2016

But They're So Cuddly

Good news: the light fixtures are up in the bedroom.

Bad news: apparently we've been raising dust bunnies in the corners.

This Little Light of Mine

So, the basement being dry (thanks, Drain Masters) it seemed like a good time to put a light fixture in the ceiling. Arlene, once again I should have remembered what your mom told me years ago, "It shouldn't be hard." So, the bad news is that by using the wrong parts, I may have damaged the fixture. The good news, I guess, is that I have the brawn to TEAR METAL. Although  in the brains v brawn struggle, I'd always hoped to come down on the brain side, because those guys can have light fixtures.

Oddly, Drains Not Draining Is Draining

Using a shop vac to suck up water all over basement floor from the plugged up washing machine drain. Job secure since the shop vac hose banged into the washing machine dial and started flood all over again while my back was turned.
I'd rather be spending time telling people about #MargaretStock.

Maybe you could talk amongst yourselves about her while I play the role of Sisyphus and Noah's love child. The role of Judas is being played by the Shop vac.

All Natural, Naturally

Today, scientists announced that cranberry extract is ineffective in preventing bladder infections in elderly ladies.

Coincidentally, our independent research today revealed that cranberry JUICE, which is full of many chemicals not found in the extract, makes an indelible stain.

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

You Never Know What You'll Find

I was searching for my 1961 phone book, which led me to search Robert Benchley for a quote I apparently can't remember about something coming to hand (after a two-hour search). I found the phone book, and also this from Robert Benchley. Even though this was written about 80 years ago, it's still surprisingly timely.
"When we worry," says the doc, "every gland in the body pours energizing juices into the brain. It is the body's way of preparing the mind to meet an emergency. The biological purpose of worry is to enable you to get up steam."

* * * * *
Following are a set of worrying exercises for sluggish natures. Get those energizing juices to flowing!
Position No. 1.—On arising stand facing an open window. (Not too wide open, as, if you get to worrying too well, you may fly out.) Place the hands lightly on the hips and think: "On the fifteenth that big insurance premium comes due. On the fifteenth the income tax is due. On the fifteenth I shall be just eight hundred dollars short of meeting them." Repeat this ten times and then exhale.
Position No. 2.—Lie flat on your back, with your legs in the air, and run over in your mind the age at which you find yourself, the amount of money you have saved, the probable number of years left, and what chances you will have of getting a ten-year guest-card at the Home for Aged Men. As soon as the energizing juices have reached your feet lower them and adopt a sitting posture on the floor. Sit that way all day, with your chin in your hand.
Position No. 3.—Stand in front of a mirror and look at your stomach.
Position No. 4.—Wake yourself up in the middle of the night, lie flat on your back in bed and look at the ceiling. Then figure out just how you would get out of the house in case of fire, what you would do first if that pain in your side should turn out to be acute appendicitis, or how you would face an actual werewolf.
Position No. 5.—Just stop to think about anything.

Sunday, October 09, 2016

This is Happening Right Now

College Village, here I come.

Friday, October 07, 2016

I had a great time doing a lit drop for #MargaretStock , the independent candidate for the US Senate, on my old route today. Lit drop is what we campaign insiders call hanging LITerature on people's door knobs. 
In case you're interested in voting for her, but you'll be out of town, absentee ballots are available now, by mail. In person early voting will begin October 24th. Either way, let's 

College Village

Blog exclusive:
I'll be in College Village for the next few days handing out flyers, or is it fliers, (according to my online dictionary, it's neither) for Margaret Stock.

Thursday, October 06, 2016

Okay, the Blog Gets An Extra Joke Because It Waited Patiently

I've been avoiding blogging my political facebook posts. Which means there's been nothing to put here except this from a few days ago. As of last night, the gardens are finally covered. My neighbor gave me a pile of leaves that covered the bed like a fitted sheet.

Sunday, September 25, 2016

Love To Be There George...

From my Twitter: No one will join me to meet candidate on Sunday. Thank God crossing the Delaware wasn’t on opposite a #Bengals game.

Last Call

For caffeine.

Friday, September 23, 2016

Loners and Social Networks Just Don't Mix

I never thought of myself as a loner until I tried to think of a friend to take for coffee.  
Well, I'll always have Mr. Rogers. Yes, I'll be your neighbor!

Pointless Twitter Rant

But more than 140 characters now.

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Our Journalists Have Become Entertainers

Our entertainers have become journalists, and so it goes

"Blow, Winds, And Crack Your Cheeks! Rage! Blow! You Cataracts And Hurricanoes, Spout"

And could you maybe do a little yard work as long as you're here?

Monday, September 19, 2016

"Ha, Ha," He Growled


Fun With Files

I thought I'd never need my 56 year old social security card again.

Saturday, September 17, 2016

Airport Heights Elementary School Class Of 1966

Karen and I went to an open house today. The title of each slide tells a little about it.

The Road Was A Ribbon Of Something

That's right, I read a poem once. 

Thursday, September 15, 2016

More Of That Political Stuff You Look Forward To

I know you want to read another article about Trump. You can't help yourself. He's like watching a trainwreck. A trainwreck that can't stop lying about itself. 

Buy One, Get One

See you there, here.

Release Your Returns

He should really release his tax returns. unless there's something in there even worse than not releasing them.

Bonus Blog Content

This part  isn't on Facebook, but I'm reading a book, The Road to Little Dribbling. It's by Bill Bryson and it's something of a reprise of a book he wrote many years ago about living in England. A point he makes in this book is that England is much richer now than it was then, but the things that made England one of the most pleasant places to live is the part that they are most assiduously getting rid of. This might be an example.

Have You Ever Driven In Boston?

Were you scared?

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

I Just Passed George Jetson

I updated to iOS 10 and it's like living in the future. I feel sorry for you iOS 9 folks with your buggies, bonnets and barn socials.

Talk About Your Early Adopters

Don't try and stop me, I'm going in.

I Haven't Cross Posted Every Single Margaret Stock Post That I've Shared On Facebook

But here's one.

How Many Different Ways Can Trump Combine Words Into Lies?

Just another Trump is a liar post.

Monday, September 12, 2016

Sunday, September 11, 2016

Take A Message

A Tisket, A Tasket

Margaret Stock on 9/11 and subsequent institutional collapse.

Saturday, September 10, 2016

Friday, September 09, 2016

Bloom where you're planted may be good advice for schoolgirls and neurotics* but our zucchini has been skittering away from its garden for months. Today I was picking squash out of our birch tree. Only in America.

*oops, I put an asterisk in the post, but never added the note at the bottom to go with it. That seems like something Grammarly could have fixed, but it's too busy critiquing commas and pointing out that Grammarly should be capitalized. Anyway, "schoolgirls and neurotics," was actually something S. J. Perelman wrote about something else, but I've always loved saying it. And, again, not to brag, but just in this one paragraph, I have three "advanced issues."
I don't want to brag is something I say sometimes. 
Usually, to introduce another amazing thing I've accomplished. So, not to brag, but how many of you got a notice like this? 
"Grammarly Premium found
5 additional advanced mistakes."
That's right I'm making ADVANCED MISTAKES.
I don't want to brag is something I say sometimes. 
Usually, to introduce another amazing thing I've accomplished. So, not to brag, but how many of you got a notice like this? 
"Grammarly Premium found
5 additional advanced mistakes."
That's right I'm making ADVANCED MISTAKES.
Sorry, Cheri, I'm so enamored with my own voice that I've turned a reply into a whole post about a football player I'd never heard of till this week. 
Well, he's got people talking about a problem that (white) people are usually unaware of. For example, towns throughout the South fund a large part of their budgets by fines on poor blacks. When they can't pay, they're jailed and assessed more fines to get out. If they can't pay those, the towns hook them up with predatory lenders. White people are almost never fined in these towns for the same infraction. We're talking about this because a famous, rich black man took a stand (ha ha, he took a seat). But poor blacks have been saying this for years, and no one could hear them.
Well, I'm off to Barnes and Noble. The Snow Child was a stunning debut by an author named after a Lord of the Rings heroine. According to this review, she avoided the sophomore slump. After this, I'm thinking of Colson Whitehead's Underground Railroad. Has anyone read that?
Another little Tweet flurry:
When Ann Coulter is happy, does Harry Potter’s scar hurt?
#more #pottermore #NeverTrump
“Bellatrix SUPPOSEDLY died in 1998, the year that Ann Coulter published her first book. Coverup or coincidence? #pottermore #lesstrump”

Monday, May 23, 2016

Because Nobody On Facebook Thought My Post Was Funny, But I Did, So I'm Posting It Here For My Sophisticated Follower

On Twitter, Michael McAuliff said, "It sounded to me like John Cornyn just took Zika funding hostage in an attempt to extract Obamacare cuts from Patty Murray." But @lisamurkowski says the “Senate is addressing threat of Zika head on.” Her idea of a microcephaly joke?

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

What you're (probably not) missing by not following me on Facebook:
On Saturday, shopping local, I rented a chain saw to cut down invasive Mayday trees. It didn't work, nor did the replacement. They wouldn't front me a chainsaw for the next day, even though I said, "I've spent all day driving back and forth, I'm not going to start this project at three o'clock."
Today, I went to the gym, ran some errands and then went to Home Depot where I rented a chainsaw and realized, it was THREE O'CLOCK. It turns out, though, things go much faster when the chainsaw actually works. As the trees came down, my testosterone went up. I felt so manly.
Such a nice feeling (if the manly even have feelings).
A shame, then, that it didn't last very long. This next is a bit of a Public Service Announcement.
Leah reported a noise that might have been running water, if any water was running, which it wasn't. It really was more of a rustling noise coming from behind the dryer. We were worried it might be a mouse since we'd had them this winter before running a trap line throughout the house. We really don't have the staff to deal with mice right now because May is the beginning of our annual ant infestation and that has to be our focus. We shifted the dryer and cautiously looked behind it. No mice, although it's amazing how much stuff accumulates back there. I wonder if the FBI ever looked behind the Hoffa's dryer. Nothing, and then another rustling noise, maybe from the dryer vent hose? Ambre is taller than I am so, she undid the clamp and I took the hose and looked down it. Nothing. So, then feeling a little more confident that nothing was going to burst out at me, I undid the bottom clamp and looked in the hose from the other end, and nothing there either. As an aside, I think I'm as brave as the next person, especially if the next person is a hysterical eight year old girl standing on a chair screaming . And it isn't that I find mice terrifying, it's the jack in the box nature of looking for them that builds so much tension. Cheerfully, now that I was sure that the rustling was just a natural phenomenon probably the settling of the hose, I suggested turning on the dryer with the hose off of it. Which is when a cloud of lint, a dime and the mouse blew out the back and crashed into the wall. We were both stunned, but I quickly recovered and the mouse quickly died of his injuries. So the lesson, and the PSA, is, if you have a dryer vent, make sure there is a flap on the outside to keep stray animals from wandering in.