Wednesday, August 26, 2009

I'm Not Saying I Couldn't Be Bought

Perhaps you've heard that postal employees are being offered incentives to retire, but that doesn't apply to letter carriers. Still, it's obvious they want to lower their head count. Apparently I'm still working only out of spite.
Which is a pity because when I got home from work today I discovered that the Johnsons had bought us a high-def TV so now I really have no reason to leave the house

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

The Lives of Others: Spoiler Alert

I watched the Lives of Others tonight; a sad, claustrophobia-inducing movie about the German Democratic Republic before the wall fell down. One of the characters, weary of his life, and with his career ended, becomes a mailman.

Monday, August 24, 2009

If Nixon Taught Us Nothing Else, The Coverup Is Worse Than The Crime

It turns out that even if you feed a tiger before giving him a ride in your car, he still may attack and kill somebody, at least according to the dream I had last night. I see now in the clear light of day that I should have just let him eat the body, since it was my trying to hide the remains and kill each new witness that made the whole thing spiral out of control.

That was an example of the kind of dream that Zoloft users have. Last night Ambre was telling me that new research shows that nocebos are as powerful as placebos and that whatever we expect to happen with a medication is what happens. I said, "I don't know if that's true, Zoloft has really helped me a lot. Oh no, maybe it's just because I expected it to help! Help! Help! I'm going to keep believing it so just drop it, please!"
So, see, things can spiral out of control even without a tiger.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Maybe This is True For Faithless Vulcan Fianceés, But Not For Me

Spock: After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing, after all, as wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true.
~Amok Time
Sent from my iPhone

The other night I had to reboot my Logitech 550 Harmony remote control. I felt kind of helpless for awhile until it began to work properly again. I realized then that we had no chance of winning in Afghanistan. During the cold war, the Soviets and the Americans threatened to bomb each other back to the stone age. But if one side is already living there, what can you threaten them with?

Even so, I want to tell you that I really looked forward to getting an iPhone, and then to getting a bluetooth stereo headset, and pace Mr. Spock, I really love them. Today before I fell asleep in Karen's doctor's office I was able to post an ad on Craigslist. I understand that people won't be necessary in a post singularity universe, and that evolutionary pressures on machines mean they won't have to love us like we love them, but man, I really love my iPhone.

Of course, once the phone breaks or disappoints I'll probably have to write another post titled "Spock Was Right, He Always Is" and man the barricades against the machine overlords, but until then...

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

How Long Has This Been Going On?

Eighteen years if you can believe Beloit College. They have just released their annual mindset list. This year what is so surprising isn't what incoming college freshman don't know, but what I didn't know; apparently there has been blue jello for the last eighteen years, and I'm just finding out.
I'd probably know about it if they'd used Bill Cosby as their spokesman.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Eight Years Later, Another Jewel in the Diadem of Democracy

"Another jewel in the diadem of democracy," was originally S. J. Pereleman's take on India, although the Indians were nothing like this.

Me and Fergie, We're Like That

I'm so three thousand and eight
You so two thousand and late
I got that boom boom boom
That future boom boom boom
~from Boom Boom Pow by the Black Eyed Peas

Now that I have an iPhone, I'm all boom boom pow except, I'm not sure even my phone respects me since it keeps beating me at checkers.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Soooo-ie Bono

According to Bloomberg, each member of Congress now has approximately six health industry lobbyists joining them at the trough. Being unclean, pigs don't get much play in the Bible, but they do show up occasionally, and then, just as quickly disappear.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Cui Bono

Blah, blah, blah, I sat down to write a funny post about health care reform, but it turns out that the monster insurance companies, the demagogic politicians, the so-called conservative talk radio Goebbels, and our own Sarah Palin who, since failing in her run for vp, has apparently set her sights on leading a rabble of lemmings, have sucked the humor right out of my keyboard.
Every other industrialized country has a single payer system that costs less than ours and provides much better outcomes by any measure.
We should ask ourselves who benefits from scuttling the attempts at reform?

Monday, August 10, 2009

I Look Like I Had More Than Just One More Piece of Cake

This is the Pauline Year, celebrating two thousand years since the birth of the Apostle Paul. Near the end of his life, he said, "For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race..."
I expected to be at the end of my career just now, but instead I believe I'll have another piece of Cake;
The fans get up and they get out of town.
The arena is empty except for one man,
Still driving and striving as fast as he can.
The sun has gone down and the moon has come up,
And long ago somebody left with the cup.

Friday, August 07, 2009

Muting Feature on iPhones

My sister left yesterday and today I waddled back into work. I got there early enough to show off my new iPhone. I told the people in the break room how I'd tried to get it in July, and then on August third, but that now that I had it I was finally cool. Everyone was speechless.

Monday, August 03, 2009

Whoa is Me

My sister has been in town for the last few days, so, of course, I've been off my diet again. Today I was talking smack about some of Oprah's fat guests who couldn't eat broccoli without cheese. Then I realized I better get off my high horse before I crushed it like a bug.

Sunday, August 02, 2009

I dreamed I met Satan last night. He was kind of a jerk.
In real life, last night I was telling one of Leah's friends about being attacked by a cat. She just laughed at (not with) me. Too late I noticed her t-shirt.
Speaking of Catzilla, I was back in Woodside East (I felt like Stephen Sondheim's mailman) yesterday delivering mail. The scary cat's owners have put up a mailbox. I like to think that I've helped to make the world a little safer.