Friday, July 31, 2009

Zombie Insurance: Premiums are Cheap, But Try to Collect When Someone Is Eating Your Head

" great way to make money is to keep them on the roster, collect their large premiums, and then deny them the care they need when the time comes."

I know that as a conservative, I'm supposed to oppose the public plan for health insurance, but can I still hate the private health insurance companies? Yes.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

I'm Like the People in the Microsoft Ad; I'm Not Cool Enough to Buy an iPhone

So, it turns out that when they say we're eligible for a subsidized iPhone on August 5th, they don't mean around then, they mean August 5th. So, even though I wasn't able to buy the phone, I have started to buy apps for it. No rules can stop me from buying apps for a phone I don't have and can't get.
Instead of a phone, I went to DMV and renewed my driver's license. It was a little disappointing because when my current license expires, coincidentally also on August 5th, I'll be eligible to retire. My plan had always been to let my license expire because once I retire why would I ever want to drive? It wasn't a very good plan, I see now. And other plans of that caliber have ensured that I won't be able to retire then anyway. Or possibly ever.
In other news, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has called on the authorities to treat their political prisoners with "Islamic mercy."
To which the Iranian political prisoners screamed, "No-o-o, anything but that!"

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

"I hope to God I'm talkin' metaphorically Hope that I'm talkin' allegorically "~Edwyn Collins

I know you're supposed to sit on your furniture, but there's some risk, hopefully only metaphorical, that with the recent addition of one more couch, our furniture will be crushing us.
To quote Smokey Robinson, "Take a good look at my face," because even though we just spent money we don't have on a couch we didn't need, I'm about to cut my (metaphorical) nose off and go buy a new iPhone.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

“People hate me because I am a multifaceted, talented, wealthy, internationally famous genius.” ~Jerry Lewis

Oh, that's why.
This morning, NPR ran a story about a French cashier who blogged about her tedious dead end job. The blog became so popular that she turned it into two best -selling books. What can you expect from a country that made Jerry Lewis a commander in the Legion of Honor?
In the meantime, my blog about my tedious dead end job has essentially become a Woozle hunt a la Winnie the Pooh, as my counter goes up every time I check to see if anyone is reading.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

If It's Wednesday, I Must Be Advertising Priority Flat Rate Shipping

The Postal Service gave us T-shirts to wear on Wednesdays to advertise Priority Flat Rate Shipping. Up till now, none of my customers have asked me about it. Today, though, several did. I think this is the first time they could read it all, now that the shirt has been fully inflated.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

If a President Said It, Then It Must Be True

Eisenhower said once, "Things are more like they are now than they ever were before." But just barely, as this reference to Roosevelt points out.
So, I went back to work today, and things are a lot like then, now. I do have a new appreciation for what geese go through in order to produce foie gras.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Note to TSA; This is a Comment on the Size of an RV's Gas Tank

A couple of days ago, we took the RV over to Costco and filled it with gas before taking it back. It was like attending an Al Qaeda fundraiser.
Last night, Sarah and Sean went back to Boston. We were up in Glen Alps yesterday, and a man pointed out a dot that he claimed was a moose. He said, "You can never see too many moose." But last night as we were driving to the airport, we saw one inside the fence that is there to protect the runways from moose. So, maybe you could see one too many. Now, Sunday morning, it's begun to rain. This almost never happens in real life, at least, not my real life. That is, that it would be sunny, if smoky, all week when we had guests, and then rain after they left.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

So, We'll Go No More A RoVing

We're back home from our RV trip to Denali and Fairbanks. Shepherding the leviathan as it pitched and rolled, was at first just ghastly. I was one of those cartoon drivers holding on to the steering wheel with my feet flying out behind me as I was flung around corners and up hills. Later though, I achieved the Zen complacency that comes from overconfidence. No, I did get better as I went along. Last night we lounged in our RV living room. I felt so relaxed, I told the them that when were driving home, no one outside would know if I just stayed in my baggy pajamas, especially if I kept the curtains closed.
Yesterday we took a cruise on the Riverboat Discovery. One of the high points of that trip has always been the Wedding of the Chena and Tanana Rivers. The clear Chena joins the silty Tanana and something better than both of them emerges. E Pluribus Unum. Except that so much silt has built up that the boat can no longer make it into the Tanana. So now, it's more like nature saying, "Good fences make good neighbors."
I don't want to give the wrong impression here. Mostly while Sarah and her Sean went off to look at Alaskan stuff, Karen and I stayed in the air conditioned motor home and read and slept. I did a book a day, powered almost entirely by Corn Nuts and cashews.

Monday, July 13, 2009

American Gothic Couple Does Laundry and Checks E-Mail

A couple of days ago we were in Talkeetna for the Moose Dropping Festival. While we were there it was, you know, festive, but some people always ruin it for everybody by getting high and violent, and then drowning. We saw a lot of people with lots of tattoos. I think tattooed people must be the most resistant to the idea of change and growth. No one who ever imagined that they could learn something new, would want to be permanently marked with the old.
Now we're in Fairbanks at an RV park. We're sitting on the porch at the office, watching the world go by, and waiting for our laundry to dry. The temperature in the shade here is near earth normal, but a few steps away it is swearing.

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Hello Kitty

I was right yesterday when I said it was hot; we set a record for that date of 80°. Today it's like living in a chimney since it's still hot, but the air is full of smoke since this long stretch of sunny weather has led to fire danger levels of "Inferno". In fact, this afternoon there was a forest fire just a few blocks from here. Today I was tempted to cut off service to anyone who didn't have a sprinkler on their lawn.
I was wrong yesterday when I said I was clawed by a dog. Apparently there is a dangerous cat that lives in that condo. I'm just saying he must be like a saber-tooth cat. That claw looked like an antler. A few people pointed out that it would have to have been an unusually tall and thin dog to reach up and through the slot. I don't want to beat this to death but the cat is locked in the garage, while their pit bull is in the house.

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

Let The Change Begin With Me, Or At Least For Me

It's been unbelievably hot here. Last night as we were culling mail, one of the other carriers said, "I don't want to complain," I asked her, "Then what are you doing here?"
Today I was delivering mail on another route. I lifted up the flap on a mail slot (using the mail, and not my hand, as I was trained, to avoid being bitten by a dog) and a dog's claw shot out and punctured my hand. My thumb instantly began to swell. I looked like Sissy Hankshaw's mailman. I tried to call my supervisor, but my phone wasn't working. In a way, that was a relief, since I haven't been able to get any of Sarah Palin's tweets. I got the phone restarted, and told my supervisor I was heading to the walk-in clinic right next to the route I was delivering. She said she'd meet me there with the sheaf of forms they'd need to fill out. For some reason, though, they don't take federal comp claims.
They called ahead to a clinic just down the road a mile or so, and they did take federal comp claims, but when we got there with our file cabinet of papers, they said they took comp claims, but not hands. They did clean the blood off and then called across the street to another clinic who said, "Sure, send him over." There, they said that they didn't know who would have said that since they don't take federal comp claims. A doctor came wandering by, and said that it was his clinic, and he'd see me ( that was the only way he was going to get mail today since he lives on my route). But first he had to go get some lunch. The reception staff, said that he'd see me when he got back, but if what I wanted was a tetanus shot, I'd have to go somewhere else since they didn't stock vaccines.
Dejected, and abandoned at that point by my supervisor who had some reports to print out, I drove my mail truck to the hospital. By then the swelling had gone down, and the puncture was visible only with a microscope. The medical assistant pretended to clean the area I said was wounded, but I got a real tetanus shot and a bandaid.
Maybe it's time for no-fault health insurance reform.

Saturday, July 04, 2009

A woman on my route said, "What a dorky hat," when she saw me the other day. She explained that by being direct, she avoided misunderstandings, which avoided hurt feelings, and thus she was a "peacemonger".
She asked about the postal holiday schedule, and I began to explain that I was working my day off, Thursday, because that was some people's holiday. That led me into explaining carrier's scheduling generally. Frankly, it was a bigger exposition than Chicago in 1915, and she pretended to fall asleep so as not to hurt my feelings.