Tuesday, December 31, 2013

It's Been Grueling

Trying to eat everything I can think of that I don't eat on my plan. And now, grueling in the sense of only eating thin brothy comestibles  in order to fit into my work clothes next week. 
Still, a moment of transcendent contentment, far exceeding normal work-a-day contentment just occurred. I've always wondered what the Hocking, in the name Anchor Hocking means. I assumed it was a synonym for glassware, but no dictionary would ever confirm that hunch. In the trance that came over me during the second hour of shopping in the same store tonight (and don't tell me we don't know how to ring out the old year) I suddenly thought of Wikipedia. And there it was, the Anchor company merged with the Hocking company, that was named after the Hocking River. Up till now, I've never wondered what the Hocking River was named after and I don't plan on starting now. But, if, against all hope and reason, I do, I'll just go back to Wikipedia and look it up. So, 2013 ends on a high note. Best wishes for a happy and healthy 2014. 

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Baby It's Cold Outside Is A Pretty Rape-y Song, But Today, It's The Weather Forecast

One of the disadvantages of living so far west, is that by the time we get a date like November 2nd or December 25th, the rest of the world has already had their way with it. Right now it's Christmas here, but in Russia, they're already well into their Boxing Day celebration. Normally, this isn't such a big deal, but this year, they've really let it cool off before we got it. It was -12℉ when I got up and now, at the sun's zenith, it's still only about zero, which is nothing when you think about it.

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Like A Rhinestone Cowboy

The other day at Costco, I was struggling to remember a word.  It was particularly frustrating, because I wasn't trying to remember some word you hardly ever use like, "What's that thing called where a full moon is reflected off someone's eye?" No, the word was batch. As in,  how many batches of noodle kugel are we going to make?
Of course, it made me think of that country singer that's been doing a final tour with his family before he succumbs to Alzheimer's. And for just a minute Glenn Campbell and I had something in common; neither one of us could remember his name.

Monday, December 16, 2013

Think About The Children

Since we've lost the TV remote (into Karen's hands) we are stuck watching a lot of Hallmark Christmas movies. It seems like for an immortal, omniscient being, Santa sure finds himself in a lot of hospital emergency rooms, often suffering from amnesia. I wonder if this will make children question their faith in the true meaning of Christmas. Or maybe, since the true meaning of Hallmark Christmas is gift giving (and high powered lady executives losing their jobs and then getting them back but realizing they no longer want them) maybe it will teach children they can't rely on an old man with a sleigh, and they better get themselves to WalMart.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

I Don't Have To Think Of A Title For This Post. That's Not How We Roll

On our last day in Boston, I was in a fender bender. I was very apologetic to the other driver, but after brooding about it for awhile, and using my super rationalization power, I figured out how it was probably the other driver's fault. It was her fault, or maybe her fault, but my power is so amazing that I could probably have spun it in my own mind so that it would have been her fault even if I'd merged  into her breakfast table. "Why would you make waffles if you didn't want company?" The worst part of the accident was that they always say that the drive to the airport is the most dangerous part of the trip, and now my life has become even more cliche.
Among the coolest presents I got at the Hotel Holiday were, a taillight for my bike and a SlapLit LED bracelet.  The bracelet (or anklet, as I wear it on my bike) is eerily soothing. It has the deep red hue that hitherto could only be achieved in a dark cocktail lounge by a red neon sign barely illuminating a brooding booth.  The taillight flashes red like they all do, but it also emits two laser beams. I was a little concerned about that when I saw it at the Holiday because I didn't want to blind anyone, or at least, I didn't want to blind anyone driving a car right behind me. The lasers are projected straight down, though, so they create two lines for me to cycle between. They probably symbolize the breakdown in society that has led to Twitter and the Tea Party, but now, anywhere I ride is, de facto, between the lines. E Pluribus Unum becomes  "One For All, And All For Anomie."
And now, to wrap up with something totally off topic, the New York Times reports that Google is working to create a robotic package delivery system. And not the way I do it, but with real robots. They claim that they want robots to do the dull repetitive tasks, which is fine, but I'm going to miss the dull repetitive paychecks.

Tuesday, December 03, 2013

I Wrote This On The Airplane, Which Shows A Lot Of Faith In The Bernoulli Principle

We're back from Boston with a quick recap. The flights were fine, except, they all had a crying baby and the person sitting in my seat was very gassy.
Possibly related: We ate a lot of waffles washed down with oatmeal and brown sugar for health reasons and a lot of pizza and Chinese food because it tasted good. Oh, and pancakes.
We had a little family drama but because most of us are passive aggressive not everyone was aware of the drama at the time it was happening, just like you might miss nuances in a television show by binge watching a whole season of Modern Family at once, which we also did.
At our Thanksgivikah party there were a few people that weren't all that skilled socially and I spent my time charming them. It was a little disturbing later to hear someone say, "It was good that we kept the awkward people together in one room.
Now we are truly home, and tomorrow, through the genius technology of pants with expandable waistlines, back to work.