We went to a funeral this evening. It was sad, of course, not most because I had to buy a new pair of black pants to fully encompass my waist, because, like hell, it hath enlarged itself, and opened its mouth without measure. One of the attendees was once one of my postal customers. She told me that she had asked her new letter carrier what had happened to me, and been told that I was dead. She said that she and her husband were both sorry to hear it, which I was glad to hear. Plus, I wasn't even dead.
Last week we got a Life Alert system installed. So, now, if you need a place to crash, give us a call. I told the lady that installed it that she would have to sign the standard non-disclosure agreement. She said not to worry about it, she was used to squalor. Very reassuring. I realized later that we're not really at the "hold your nose" stage yet, more the "look down your nose," stage.